She occasionally gets frustrated and it causes her to have emotional breakdowns. Especially when she knows what she wants to say, but the words do not come out or what does come out is incomplete and I cannot guess it. She cries and there's little I can do but hold her and let her cry it out.
I feel she's in an odd place, her body is mostly healthy, her heart, lungs and organs are all in good shape. Her mind is there too, but it is disconnected from her body in fundamental ways. She remembers things, experiences and stories. Her soul is the hardest for me to judge. Even now she's stubborn and proud, refusing to express emotions until they overtake her and she has a breakdown. Has been one of the worst parts of our marriage.
Her soul is pained, of that I am certain. She is stuck in a body she cannot control, with a mind she cannot trust. I feel she doesn't want to die, but she can see no way to live a life.
They moved a new person in next door just a couple of days ago, maybe Monday. Today when me and Shannon's sister's mother-in-law were waiting outside while the nurse gave her a bath the new person was put in a body bag and taken away. I suspect they must have passed much earlier. There were no grieving relatives, no emergency alarms or sad music. Just a nurse directing a person to collect the body. Felt very surreal.
Glad Shannon has family around. Sad, I see that a lot at the hospital people sick but no family or friends that are concerned. Thinking of everyone, it is hard to watch someone you love suffer. Much love, Becky
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