I learned Friday that it is possible to be a vampire. The radiation aimed at my brain makes the skin on my scalp extra sensitive, so I was warned about avoiding sunlight when I first started my radiation treatments. Somehow in the ten minute drive between our house and the radiology/oncology department at the hospital, my uncovered left ear managed to get two to three minutes of direct sunlight (the rest was under a hat). Well, to make a long story short, my radiation burn on my ear is now very unhappy. It has now hit a point of vampiric classification. Sunlight = pain/death of skin. This means that Braum Stoker was correct with his Dracula, and Stephanie Meyer was incorrect with her Edward. (Besides, anyone from Western Washington knows that everyone glows after nine months with no sun.)
When I was laying in radiation on Friday I started having an itch on my leg and let my mind wander . . . "hmm . . . that is annoying, I'm not allowed to move . . . I should wash my jeans later . . . I wonder if it is a bug bite . . . did I just get the bug bite? . . . Spider Man had a radiation-spider bug bite . . . maybe I'll turn into a Spider Woman." Anyway, after more superhero/villain thoughts while I laid there, I began compounding a list of superheroes/villains that were created with the "assistance" of radiation exposure. I could really use this radiation I am receiving to my advantage in my quest to gain superpowers.
Superheroes
- Spider Man: No one is naturally that flexible.
- Hulk: I wouldn't mind being a She-Hulk, as long as I had the strength of a body builder without looking like one
- Fantastic Four: Invisible Woman would be good, expect for the lack of clothing required
- Miss Marvel: I don't think I meet the requirement of alien exposure, and only put up with flying when it involves being in a commercial airline.
- Mr. Manhattan: He is the equivalent of a resident at a nudist colony when it comes to clothing, so not for me.
- Powerpuff Girls: They are the same age as the students I teach, I don't want to age that far backwards in time.
Villains
- Sandman: "Mr. Sandman . . . Give me a dream . . . dumdumdumdum". No more explanation is needed.
- Godzilla: Terrible breath.
- Dr. Doom: He wouldn't be too bad, the mask was awkward looking, but ruling the world would be nice.
If you have any other suggestions for my future (most likely) super villain status, feel free to let me know. Then I can begin my process of taking over the world. I am looking for minor henchmen to join me, applications must be received by the end of my radiation treatments on Friday. Who knew that paying for radiation after my tumor removal surgery would be such a good investment?
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